Work, chaos, and finding moments of joy
There are many reasons why we as parents, have to navigate a life of work, while also navigating life with our children with special needs.
I get to support so many families with autism, ADHD, and other special needs, and it is such an overwhelming addition into the world of a family, especially when the parents are working. As therapies and interventions begin to be added to the schedule, work becomes even more important as one has to provide financially for all the needs. But sometimes it feels like there are too many plates in the air, and the person who gets the last of the attention is yourself. It seems that any moment the plates will fall, and you will all be shattered in the wake of it all.
My job is a unique one, as I am a pastor, but even in our early days of my son’s autism diagnosis, I had many needs around me in my congregation that needed immediate attention. The pastoral needs of my people didn’t stop just because my needs became so huge. I think at times I felt like something had to give and I know many days I felt there was nothing in me to do the work I needed to do, but now I can see that the work I did, even as I was swimming in pain and questions, gave me purpose and hope outside the walls and needs of our own home.
Looking back, I am so grateful that I had work to do during that time, and I recognize that the work I was able to do is dissimilar to many others. Many of us work because we have to provide for our families, and we don’t necessarily feel connected emotionally to the work we do. Times are tough for so many families around the world, and most just are trying to keep up with the huge demands and pace of life. Even more so for special needs families, who lists of therapies, interventions, and supporting products are never ending. I believe that God created us to work, to provide, to add to the world, and even if our jobs aren’t a dream or completely connected to our life’s purpose, work itself is a gift from God. We all are here to bring things into the world.
Looking back to that mother I was in the early days of diagnosis and so many therapies, while also juggling work demands, not to even mention the spouse and siblings, I would say to BE KIND to yourself. Most days, your life will feel like you are on a hamster wheel that never ends, and all you want to do is jump off the wheel altogether. However, the strength you find within yourself during those days will continue to well up, even when you think you are completely depleted. You will not be shattered, and you will find new rhythms. All you can do is wake up each morning, receive the new mercies of God, and keep going.
For me, it was always helpful to have things that I loved, things that brought me life and hope, in the midst of the never ending needs of my child. I have a friend who has a special needs child with high needs, and she recently had to start homeschooling him after many years at school. She has very little time alone, but she makes time every week for a tennis game with dear friends. It’s her one moment of joy, outside all the goodness, chaos, and challenges at home.
Find your places of joy. Do what you need to do. Give yourself grace. And then keep doing it again and again.
'Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. '
-Colossians 3:23 NLT
